WOOTs ! its halloween today. But sadly tmr i will be do duty back at camp as punishment T.T . Dun ask what did i do, let just say i was slightly mischievous. Anyway looking on a bright side, had an rather early book out today, so can enjoy and go party later ( its halloween ~ i may be broke now but still.... by improvising, i suppose i can come out with a nice costume. )

Finally ... commissioning soon. Everyone in camp is in a commissions mood now. Cant wait to commission in the parade square and let my parent put on my rank. This is probably what motivated me to go OCS in the first place. To make my parents proud and try to experience and see my limit. Well however once it is all over, i guess it will be rather sad and lonely.. true lar, the 9 months of training was indeed tough and both mentally and physically challenging but through it, friendship was born. The past 9 months was probably all bout OCS, i didnt realli have much time for other things. Now that it is over, i guess i gotta start thinking about what to do ..... Hmmmm....

We are all pretty tight in the tankee course, 20 ppl and hellish training seems to be to best way to bond ppl. Hahah, anyway now that most of the training is done, we are mostly chilling and playing in our bunks talking who to ask to go for our coms ball. Coms ball is a huge headache for most, well cuz we have to bring a partner for coms ball ! Hahah plus it cost like 500 for coms ball ( that is why i am broke T.T ) .  

Haiz enough about my camp, been rather troubled for the past few days.....

Well my sister seems to want to go oversea attachment ! Very much ! how can i not be worried when my sister is goin oversea by herself for 6 months !?!?! how she even goin to take care of herself when she dun even noe how to do chores or cook; last time when our parents go oversea , it is alway me cooking for her and stuff .... HOW SHE GONNA SURVIVE ?! PLUS ONE GIRL OVERSEA !!!!! SHE CANT EVEN DEFEND HERSELF.

ok..... i noe i may have over-reacted ( OR NOT ).... but seriously...........

ok to be truthful, i think i have been alittle overprotective in this. She is already 18 and should be old enough to noe what she want. But somehow, i cant help but be worried, she is my onli sis afterall.......... a part of me is worried dun want her to go and another ( the most rationale and sensible part ) feels that i shuld support her wish. 

Guess i am realli childish as a bro ba .... cant make myself to go support her.....................

ANYWAY MY SIS SHULDNT KNOW ABOUT ALL THESE ............ ANYONE WHO TELL HER WILL _____ ( FILL IN THE BLANK WITH THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY U SEE URSELF DIE ) 

Anyway now that i know that people seems to be still reading this blog.....  my commissioning parade is on the 13th dec .... and YOU are invited ~ =D

I have thought through le.. no matter what.. i shuldnt give up..........................

3:42 AM

It is not your fault.... It is my choice to like you... so dun fret over it =D

Well..... then again.......................................  YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO KNOW MY BLOG! AHHHH I THOUGH NO ONE KNOW ! THIS IS SO EMBRASSING... T_T ... PRETEND U NEVER SEE ANYTHING BA ~ HAHA

other than that ... Everything's cool ~ Haha

5:15 AM

Whole body is aching now, arghhh. Didnt sleep much cause had to return to camp at 11pm to be luggage party (AKA go airport carry stores back to camp), only book out today at 7 am.

Yesterday was fun, soccer is always fun. Glad to see the primers peeps once in a awhile, feels like i am back to poly, back to school, back to being a carefree teenager. Today i just feel OLD... think about life, my future, worry bout this and that, wonder what i want, think how poor i am now, how much my back ache, how my life feel colourless no matter what i do. Army make me feel older, probably good in that i started to learn how to be slight more responsible in some parts, learn how to worry and be a pessimistic guy, gone are the days where i simply live my life the way i want, do thing how i like, and just think about the present.

"Thinking bout the future is a good thing, but whats the point of always worrying about the future when today is the time u live in. Dun waste ur time worring bout the future, spend ur time thinkin how to make ur today a better and more fruitful day." Just came out with this, shuld try to remind myself.

Well like i said yesterday i am 21 now, the thought of settling down is starting to come to me. Haha settle as in to seriously think bout having a serious relationship, or at least become more mature. Been partyin too much, club is never a good place to meet ur future partner, seeing how loose some girls are. But somehow it became a place to drown my sorrow, and have fun with my friends.

Thinking of goin back to do volunteer work again, but couldnt get my ass off to start again. Maybe after i commission.....

Saw her yesterday, heart skipped a beat, or two, or three... or probably it just stood still when i see her. Hahaha. Two to three weeks back i was still head and heels over her, smsing her and stuffs, but with a few setbacks i stopped. Abit lame lar, but still i am never a guy brave enough to face rejection or at least try out things i feel wun happen. From the fact she never reply, it was demoralising, plus at least she could have at least reply a simply " sorry, no" or what. Xx and i came to a conclusion aniway, in a relationship, it takes both side to like each other, if one side is not interested at first, why bother ? Even she may fall in love with u if u persist, but it is because u persist or she see how much u love her then she love u, it is not a mutual love for each other from start... Maybe it may seem idealistic to want a relationship where both like each other naturally, but still i think it is possible.

Anyway gotta go, finally my movie finish downloading. HAHAHA. Needa watch all i can cause tmr i wan getting confine in camp T_T

1:40 AM

Shagged now... been having flu for the past 3 days ... dun know why it just doesnt go away... my nose feels sore from all the sneezing... Arghhh dying.

Regardless, went for soccer training today, stamina gone down quite abit, probably due to my illness. Injured my foot in the process, didnt realise it till i took my boots off. Haha guess i am too reckless...

My super long break from NS is finally over (3 FULL DAYS !). Gotta book in soon.. sian. Never party or what during these 3 days... spent it chilling with my cousins.. catching up and also went to watch movie with my parents like all good children. HAHA really like spending time with my family.

Aniway cut things short.. time to step up on my pursue le...

4:57 AM

Been like .... 6 months since my last post ? well time to start up this log again le.

Been well so far... went on to armour tankee office training wing which was one of my dream since i came into army, really lucky...anyway lets fast forward to the present.

Today was my off day since it is hari raya and been home the whole day other than goin out for a run. Just watched " A walk to remember" for probably the tenth time, it just never fail to make me moved and sad, well after all it is my favourite movie of all time.

Well got me thinking bout romance and love again, the topic which i had ignored for the past year ever since i got into army. How is love judged by ? the intensity or how long it last ? Issit possible to find one which is lasting and both still love each other deeply ? Well i wouldn't know, since thus far all the relationships i had are just naive and probably don't count as a true love, just a intense passion, a fleeting one. Which is why ever since i just stop jump straight in ......

Just knew that my OCS mate broke up with his girlfriend, their relationship was quite long also. The sadness in his face was apparent for the past two months and he was helping other to take weekend duties, probably to stay in camp... away from his sadness. It is really sad to see others breaking up. Break up just hurt the both parties, both the one who initiated it and the other one.

Recently i finally got the courage and motivation to start know this one girl. It had been put on hold for too long already, as months flew by and OCS had been probably the main obstacle. Seriously, this is probably the first time for the past two years i had realli made an effort to know another girl, probably come as a surprise for most people. Well, definitely for the past one week plus, she really got me crazy. Waiting for her sms in camp, feeling down for the WHOLE day just because she never reply, risking getting 3 confinements by bringing my phone and sms-in her around with my officers conducting spotchecks, staying up way past lights out time to reply her, etc. ALL this sounds stupid and crazy and i have no idea why i am doing all this when probably she wun feel the same. Haha think just take things slow ba... no idea what to do next, how she feels, how to ask her out ( provided i have to courage to actually do it ). Haha if only i can read her mind .......

Gotta go ... time to book in

4:39 AM