Cant describe how much i am dreading tmr... returning back to camp, exactly like how a student dread his test day... pretty much sums up my situation.... exactly i feel the moral responsibility to be good (burden of the rank and expectations).

Realized that many things are like take for granted, just like how students expect their teachers to know everything about the subject, doctors are expected to know how to treat a patient in the best manner... etc. Officers are expected to be able to lead, be good at everything and knows his stuffs.....just not the case... we are still human being, falleable and make mistakes. How i wish i was still a student... Hahaha...

Tired of the office, the expectations, the amount of work being push to us to do; part and parcel of an adult. Well, despite all thesze complains i still went for the interview to be a regular. Yep, i decided to sign-on. Not that i love my life here, in fact i don't really like it, but it is the best and fastest route for me to accomplish my dream. I just need to tolerate and work hard for these 3 years....

I will do what i can, to at least work towards my dream....after life would probably be meaningless if u dun have a dream and work towards it.......

9:57 PM

Just realized, nothing can be worst than having expectations piled on you......

i know so little, and with my limited ability, i must lead these platoon of men who are probably ten times more experience than me..... Sucks

Have been reading and studying as much as i can ( YES! I AM STUDYING )(FIRST TIME IN THE 22 YEARS OF BREATHING, I AM PUTTING SO MUCH EFFORT INTO STUDYING !), just not enough, just not confident enough......

Sucks.......I feel tired ... and sick .. and my ankle seems to be suffering from stress injury ( thanks to the lack of care i showed it when i sprain it the last time )

Sucks to be me ..... Dec ... come quickly .... Looking forward to retirement ... haha

3:15 AM

Ok ... i am 22 ( time to face the reality, didnt realli want to but ... all the bday wish constantly reminded me ) haha... cant say i am thrilled about being 22. But thanks to all the well wishes and everyone who celebrated with me ... =D

As years goes, and the amt of big candles u see on ur cake grows, cant help but to admit its time to be more serious bout stuffs... haha. Time to work hard for my future.... time to take care of my family... let my dad retire.... drive them out for a movie... etc etc. Well my birthday resolution (coupled with new year resolutions):

-Finish my driving and get my license ( probably overdue by 3 years )
-Start my first company (small one of cuz)
-STOP PARTYING! as in only for some special occasion ( Friday is definitely not a special occasion, same to free flow nights ) ( LEARN TO SAY NO WHEN FRENS ASK ME TO PARTY )
-Start learning ( Catch up on my reading )
-Watch more movies with my parents
-GO back to volunteer service
-Bagpack overseas
-Join the standchart 42km run Plus PREPARE for next year's sundown 84km !
-Help change someone's life... for the better, of course...

These are probably all i have.... plus the standard few which have been part of my resolutions( /wishes) for the past 22 years.... like become trillionaire rich, date a super-hot Brazilian model, learn how to fly, world domination , etc etc ... list goes on .....

1:11 PM